Foundational Self-Care

But not the woo-woo kind: how to take care of yourself when there’s no time to rest (and why you must!)

Sep 23, 2024

Are you sleeping enough? (I’m not!)
Why not? (erhm, I have 8654567897654 other things on my to-do list? Maybe you can relate?)

Yesterday, my toddler had a rare meltdown just before naptime. After a number of unsuccessful attempts to get her to sleep alone in her crib, she crashed on my chest when I had taken a temporary reprieve lying down in my own bed. I was nap-trapped.

I texted my husband a picture of her asleep on top of me, looking to brag on my victory and also get some pity for my sacrifice. In reality, I was THRILLED at this turn of events. I was warm and comfortable under the covers in my own bed, cocooned in the tunnel of white noise and the dim light of drawn curtains. On my bedside table within reach was my stack of 8 books and my kindle, and I was forced to remain here for the duration of her midday slumber. I was giddy at all the reading I could do but quickly fell asleep we both woke 90 minutes later.

Before I fell asleep, I was thinking about the zillions of times I had been nap-trapped during maternity leave in the earliest months of baby girl’s life. While healing myself and learning how to keep another small human alive during my seven months off work, we spent countless hours resting together – most often with the baby sleeping in my arms while I read on my kindle. Yesterday, I was craving that rest: a sleeping baby and time to read fiction without competing demands from the rest of my life creeping in.

If the baby hadn’t fallen asleep on me yesterday, I would not have given myself that rest. Instead, I would have responded to those competing demands that, right now, I can’t even think what were. They didn’t get addressed because I napped instead, and the world didn’t end. So why did I think they were so important?

Plus, after caring for myself with a midday nap, I was able to show up better and care for my family in the evening. By caring for myself, I was able to care for others.

I might not be able to fully recreate the supportive conditions of maternity leave (namely, not working outside of the home while still getting a paycheck), but I can infuse some elements of that season into our current life to reduce the overwhelm and care for myself.

And so can you! Did you know that September is National Self-Care Awareness Month? It’s not too late to consider your own needs and make a plan for prioritizing them in the months ahead. After all, self-care is community care; we can’t care for others unless we first care for ourselves. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and all that.

But how!? We need to drop some of the balls we’re juggling.

Be intentional

First, you have to remind yourself what’s most important. What do you value in this season? Perhaps you value your physical health and fitness, quality time with your spouse and/or children, community connection and involvement, or thinking deeply and producing good work at your job.

Then, you must pay attention to your time. How are you spending your time? Is it focused on the things you just identified as values? Or is it spread across other things that aren’t on your list of priorities?

This is where the magic happens.

If you’re spending your time on things that don’t align with your values, what can you change? What balls can you drop - what tasks or activities can you eliminate - to create space for what you do value?

Get more sleep

The foundation of all of this is rest and self-care. And by “self-care,” I do not mean all the fancy woo-woo nonsense that the internet is trying to sell you. I mean the basic human needs of getting enough sleep at night, eating a fulfilling and well-rounded diet, moving your body, maintaining basic hygiene, getting fresh air, and interacting with other humans. These basic needs are essential if we hope to contribute to society and care for others in meaningful ways. Resting and caring for ourselves is in service to our other values; to actually be able to focus on what we do value, we must value ourselves first.

Next steps

In response to my nap-trapped realization that I need to get more sleep, here are some small shifts I’m committed to making in the coming weeks:

Go to bed early: I’m going to let go of the shame and embarrassment for wanting an 8pm bedtime. My inbox, the dishes, and social media can all wait until tomorrow.
Skip a morning workout: Not every day but every now and then when I feel extra tired, I’m going to choose to sleep in a smidge instead of wake to an early alarm.
Lean on prepared foods and simple meal planning: I’m going to repurpose some meal-prep time for quality family time and/or work time (to make it easier to go to bed early!) and make dinner from the freezer, order takeout or have PB&Js for dinner more often.
Nap while the baby is napping: when I feel tired on a weekend afternoon, why not?!
Put down my phone: I am never pleased with myself after spending time doom-scrolling, especially when it’s dark outside.
Say YES if someone offers to help: If I complain about a particularly hard week to a friend or neighbor and they offer to bring over dinner, walk the dog, watch the baby while David and I have a date, I’m going to say yes! It takes a village to thrive as an adult in this world, and I am thankful for ours.

Getting more sleep is just one way I’m working to fill up my own cup in this season. How are you filling yours?

Do you need to get more sleep? How are you caring for yourself in this season? What changes will you make to support your own self-care this fall?

journals on the journey

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