How to Be a Little Girl
How to Be a Little Girl
And a reminder to stay true to yourself - some thoughts on authenticity
How to Be a Little Girl
Pink dresses, squeaky clean,
Calm playtime.
Be quiet.
Sit still.
Soft smile,
Just so.
What if, instead:
T-shirts, dirty knees,
And rough-and-tumble bruises.
Giggle, A LOT,
Dance,
And scrunch up your nose in a silly grin.
When I’m having fun or feeling particularly excited, I make a big, open-mouthed smile, or squint my whole face into a silly grin. Well, I used to do that.
Until someone told me that smile wasn’t cute and I shouldn’t make that face anymore. “Why are you screwing up your pretty face?”
I didn’t realize how much I had internalized that message until I saw my daughter make the very same silly smile. Her whole nose squished, she squinted her eyes, and her grin was so wide you could see all of her teeth. I immediately thought, “oh no, that’s not a cute smile!” and then recoiled.
She was giggling and having so much fun – she’s learned to smile when someone’s taking her picture and loves hamming it up – she’s a total cheese. And she exudes such joy when she’s acting silly! I want to capture that joy and the squished smile and preserve it for eternity.
Who are we to judge other peoples’ expressions of joy?
Identity
I’ve been thinking a lot about identity – how we are shaped and settle and shift through time. As people, we grow and change in response to circumstances, events, and relationships. Some build us up and others tear us down or make us scared. We respond to “rules” – either strictly following them or firmly rebelling against them.
As I’m watching my daughter come into her own identity, I’m realizing the layers of my own and how many I’ve buried. I was taught to shape myself just-so – by the world and specific people in my orbit. I’ve learned to dance the dance of what’s expected and how to hold back so I’m not too much.
When did I bury my authentic self? I don’t think it happened all at once but gradually, over time, the rules and messages from other people festered inside my brain, heart, and soul.
What messages have you carried around that you want to let go of?
I’m re-learning what brings me joy – time outside, moving my body, getting dirty – and to lean into my exuberance – too many exclamation points, bright colors, big smiles. I want to model that for my daughter. I want her to find what brings her joy and chase it, not what she’s supposed to do as determined by some arbitrary set of rules that other people follow.
I want her to know that her expressions of joy will never be too much.
“Be yourself so the people who are looking for you can find you.”
When my daughter is having fun, I hope she’s caught up in it instead of restraining herself for some perceived benefit to other people. And after a hiatus I didn’t realize I had taken, I’m following her lead and leaning into my own big, scrunched-face grin again.
Hi! I’m Liz. Thanks for being here and reading my journals on the journey. If you’re new, learn a bit more about me and this space here and consider subscribing to my weeklyish posts.
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